I’m honestly not sure how I even want to write this, so I’m just going to start writing it rather than thinking about writing it. 

I’m moving to Denver in a week and a lot of mixed emotions are coming up. Moving on from anything that was once important in life is a big deal, and fuck anyone who tries to say it’s not. Whether it’s a relationship, moving cities, changing jobs, or anything else that has played a major role in your life, it’s important to recognize it. 

First, I want to address how much I’ve enjoyed living in Chicago for the past 2 years and how much I truly love this city. The memories I’ve made, the people I’ve met, and the number of Chicago-style hot dogs I’ve consumed are hard to count. I lived in what I still consider to be one of the coolest fucking houses in the city. What stands out the most to me is how much I feel that I’ve grown during my time here.

I can’t help but think back to when I moved here from Columbus and how excited I was. I loved Columbus too, but I knew I needed a change of scenery. When I got to Chicago, I fell in love with it. I really thought I’d be here for at least the better part of my twenties. Hell, even just 6 months ago I thought I was still going to stay here for the next couple of years. I felt like something was missing when I was in Columbus, so I left to go find that thing in Chicago. I’m happy to say that I did find what I was looking for, which was just myself this whole time. My true, authentic self.

The way in which I found myself, however, was not the way I thought it would be. I only found myself by losing myself completely. The parts of my identity that I thought was “me” turned out not to be. I had built this entire life around making a lot of money, living in a big city, going out, the whole nine yards. None of what I did was truly for me, though. It was all to prove to the people around me or even the past versions of myself that I was successful. Being successful meant that I’d finally be worthy of love or some form of validation. It wasn’t until recently that I realized I’m already worthy of love exactly as I am. You are too. 

I could honestly give two fucks about how other people perceive me now. It’s time to do shit on my terms because I know deep within my heart that it’s right for me. I’m no longer chasing anything. I’ve already found it. And that is precisely why I’m moving to Denver. 

Denver just feels right, and it’s a feeling that I don’t even feel the need to justify. I might get there and fucking hate it (which I doubt), but it’s still the right move for me at this very moment. Fuck the future, life is about living in the present as much as possible. 

The hardest part about this move is recognizing how large of a role living in Chicago has played in everything. That’s why I’ll always appreciate everything this city has done for me. I’ve had some incredibly high highs and some depressingly low lows. Yet, I wouldn’t trade any of it for the world. Just because I’m choosing to leave doesn’t mean that I can’t love it at the same time. If you truly love something, you need to know when to let it go.

So thank you, Chicago, for some of the best and most transformative years of my life. Can’t wait to see what comes next.